littlebylittlemore

I began a journey several years ago to try to combat the problem of insecurity head-on that I found in my life. As I started researching insecurity and trying to find out who struggles most with it, I was literally overwhelmed with the vast amount of heart-wrenching stories of self-doubt and pain that insecurity has caused. The ages I read stories from varied all the way from young elementary-aged girls to a woman in her 90’s. There were posts from people of all nationalities and cultures, both genders, and just about every religious sect. I decided to share a few of the quotes I found:

“I am so scared. My mommy and daddy are getting divorced because of me. It’s my fault. Now they don’t love me anymore. What am I going to do?”

“I am useless. I am fat. I can’t do anything. I am ugly. I hate myself.”

“I don’t have friends because people don’t like my personality or the way I look. No matter how hard I try to fit in, it is pointless. I will always be alone. Even when someone tells me I’m pretty or they like me, I don’t believe them, and end up pushing them away.”

“I have had anorexia and bulimia since I was in 7th grade. I am now 30. I have been in the hospital several times, but it doesn’t help. I look in the mirror and try to tell myself that I’m not fat, but all I can hear are the areas on my body that bulge, yelling at me that I am fat!”

“I feel like a failure of a man. I am insecure about my looks, my weight, my lack of leadership, and my personality. I know I will never deserve to be married. No woman could ever want to be with me”

“I have been made to be insecure about my race.I can’t go anywhere without people thinking I’m a terrorist! Yes, my family is from the Middle East, but that doesn’t mean I am a terrorist!! I can’t go anywhere without people judging me and thinking that I am going to blow up an airplane or myself in a public place! I feel like I can’t even leave my home, and I even started working from home just so I wouldn’t have to deal with this stupid racism!”

“I can’t keep up with the moms around me. They all make me feel like the worst mom in the world! Their kids are always behaving so well! They always look showered and rested and have the cutest outfits on. All of those moms seem to know what they’re doing, but I feel like I am lost! My kids are trying to kill me, while I try to do my best not to kill them! I am lucky if I shower twice a week, let alone every morning. I don’t even have time to pick out an outfit or go to one more mom’s group. I am barely surviving. God should have given my kids to someone better!”

“If people really knew who I am and what I’ve struggled with in the past, they would never accept me. My past is so dark. I am scared of anyone ever finding out.”

“I really am an attractive person, but why is it that that is all anyone sees? Good looks don’t get you everything. In fact, I sometimes wish I could get in a tragic accident or have a bad scar on my face because then people would actually like me for me. But no one gives me a chance because they think I’m just a pretty face. I’m not full of myself; I’m lonely!”

“I feel unworthy of love. I was abused sexually in the past, and I was told that it was all my fault and that now no one will want me. It’s true. How could anyone good want to be with someone who has been through so much bad?”

“I am 93 years old, and I am very insecure. I feel like people don’t take me seriously because I’m old. I can’t move as gracefully or agilely, so I shouldn’t be allowed out anywhere. I can’t get my words to always form the sentences I mean, so people think I’m senile. I am wrinkly and barely recognize my own self in the mirror, so people think I am ugly. How is my life supposed to mean anything if no one even cares that I am alive?”

I don’t know if you can relate to any of those stories, but that is just the tip of the iceberg of the feelings of insecurity in the world around us. These kinds of stories are everywhere. Think of your own life. Where are you most insecure? What triggers it?

I struggled with depression a couple years ago, and one of the root causes for my depression was insecurity. As I was working through my problems and negative thinking, I had an eyeopening moment. I started making a list of all the situations in my life where I could fill in the blank to this statement. Not _____ enough.
This is the actual list taken from my journal.

I am….

Not good enough
Not smart enough
Not pretty enough
Not articulate enough
Not graceful enough
Not athletic enough
Not wise enough
Not godly enough
Not skilled enough
Not energetic enough
Not skinny enough
Not fat enough
Not ready or prepared enough
Not organized enough
Not strong enough
Not desperate enough
Not funny enough
Not passionate enough
Not gifted enough
Not creative enough
Not patient enough
Not old enough
Not interesting enough
Not poor enough
Not rich enough
Not bad enough
Not needed enough

Even now as I read through this list again, I feel the sting of pain from each situation or experience that left these impressions on me. Insecurity may not have been the cause of the feelings behind this list, but it was definitely the reason I kept reliving it over and over and beating myself over the head with it.
I am not writing about my battle with insecurity because I’ve already conquered it, but because little by little, I have found that it is a sickness in our minds that can be overcome by God’s grace day by day. It’s an uphill battle, but it is worth the fight. If there is hope for me then there most certainly is hope for you. God does not want us to be insecure people. He longs for us to be secure and steady in Him alone. He wants us to care more about what He thinks of us instead of focusing on what everyone else around us things. He wants us to take our every insecurity, fear, and sin to Him. He takes all of our insufficiencies and He breathes new life and hope into our hearts. Isn’t that good news? That is the Gospel.

The Bible says in Titus 3,”But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteous deeds, but according to His own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” In other words, our loving and kind Savior,Jesus, saved us completely. Not because of anything we did to earn it or to deserve it, but because of His mercy and love for us. Then by His grace, He accepts us and adopts us into His family and gives us the unshakeable hope of eternal life with Him. Knowing and accepting this truth is where the battle of sin and insecurity must begin. It is only through His perfect life being sacrificed on our imperfect behalf, that we can ever be transformed or have any hope of overcoming our biggest struggles.

I’ve found what I consider to be six main causes for our insecurity, and I want to share some of what the Bible says to combat them in my next couple blogs. Stay tuned!

Blessings